What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 14:00
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Is it okay for my husband to help other ladies without telling me?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im still living with it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Kuorans can you write a sad story about kpop?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Ive learnt so much.
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Why did i forgive my father ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
Is it ethical for same-sex couples to raise children?
Comes on , in middle age.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was 9 years of age.
My life is so biszare .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
When does a man tell a woman he has feelings for her?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it wasn’t much.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I have no regrets .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why, after a divorce, would one still want to ruin the other one’s life?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She wouldn,t have been !
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was very sick at this time too.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was scared of men, in general
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She found it foreign!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He knew the spot.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was in good health!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Who then, do I blame.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I don,t even have a pension.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What did i know ?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I waited trembling.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She married twice! .
We all went to grammer schools
When she asked me how she looked .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Would this be the day?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So, i spoilt her more .
I said to her
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I will be 64.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So whats the point in blame.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Put me off passion for life!!
She loved him until the end.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.